TODAY’S JOURNAL PROMPTS: What was the most insightful thing you learned about yourself in the past 30 days? How have you noticed your brave training empower others around you to be brave too? What is one thing that you are going incorporate into your daily routine to help you live a brave, bold life?

If I’ve learned anything in the past month or so (took me more than 30 days…), it’s that I don’t have to wait. All my life, I’ve been waiting for something–for permission, for validation, for absolute certainty. I’ve spent half a century in a place of perpetual “about-to” without ever stepping off the ledge.

I’ve been waiting for my whole life to be told by some external authority that it’s okay, that I’m okay, that what I want or need or do or think or feel is valid. And now, after this month of hard work, I realize there is no one out there who needs or wants or is able to give me permission or validation. There is no authority over my life, my calling, my power.

I am that authority, and yes, I’m gonna get it wrong. I’m going to look like an idiot, and I’m going to make mistakes. I’m going to win big and lose big, and there is nobody to blame. There is no one I need to ask.

Finally, there is no one I need to ask for permission. Of course, I will take my wife, family, and friends into consideration when I make my decisions. I will ask for their counsel.

But in the end, the final and only authority in my life is me. I take the risks, I take the glory, I take the falls. I am my own mind, body, and soul, and I answer ultimately only to my own destiny.

So I’m not going to wait anymore. I’m not going to ask permission to be happy, or to be passionate, or to be silly, or to be curious. I’m not going to beg for validation–I know my strengths and my weaknesses. My creations will be for the joy of creation–if I get external validation, woo-hoo! But that will not be the driver of my energies anymore.

I’m moving forward to my next 30 Day challenge next week. I am ready. If you’ve been following this blog, please stay tuned for more information on my next steps. I will continue to journal–that’s  never going to stop, I think now. Even if nobody reads this, the pleasure I get from putting words down is amazing.

Thank you, those who’ve followed along. The goblins are still there, but they’re not suffering anymore. Slowly, I will continue to release the ones still trapped. But in the meantime, they are safe, happy, and well-treated. They continue to man their posts at the cracked spots in my psyche with pride and honor.

As Martha would say, “It’s all good.”

Deb

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