Today’s journal prompt: How would I define feeling ‘enough’ as it relates to me personally?
On the second go-round, I’m suddenly understanding why this day is giving so many people so much trouble. Right now, I do not feel like I am “enough” to do this challenge. I have no problem on the tarot part of the equation. I am a great reader, and my partner is a great reader. Together, as Two Ladies Tarot, we provide excellent readings, insight, and guidance to our clients.
My “not enough” comes in the business aspect of the equation. I grew up watching my dad own his own business, and it always looked to me like a crappy deal. All that work, all that risk, all that sacrifice, and for what? What is the payoff?
There is a part of me that feels I’ve sold off my soul for the security of a biweekly paycheck. That if I was going to do something so foolish and reckless as start my own business, especially something as “impractical” as a tarot reading business, I should have done it when I was young and clueless enough to not know what a risk I was taking.
There is another part of me thinking, you know what? The world as we know it is falling apart around us. Look at the news. Look at the planet. If the United States fell apart in five years, how would you want to spend your last days? Too afraid to even try to do something you love? Too paralyzed by self-doubt to step onto even the tiniest ledge?
I did crazybrave things in my 20s and 30s, and it’s just occurring to me why.
I never thought I’d survive my 20s and 30s. I was certain I’d be dead before I hit 40.
Why worry about the future when you don’t believe there is a future?
And not worrying about the future allowed me to go places, do things, meet people I never imagined possible.
So is giving up the future the key to being fearless in the present? Is the present moment what we mean by “enough?”
I’ve put off this journal entry for days. And now it’s done. Now to move on to Entry Six.
It’s time to forget about tomorrow. It’s time to take action.
This is enough.