Today’s journal prompt: How would I define feeling ‘enough’ as it relates to me personally?

On the second go-round, I’m suddenly understanding why this day is giving so many people so much trouble. Right now, I do not feel like I am “enough” to do this challenge. I have no problem on the tarot part of the equation. I am a great reader, and my partner is a great reader. Together, as Two Ladies Tarot, we provide excellent readings, insight, and guidance to our clients.

My “not enough” comes in the business aspect of the equation. I grew up watching my dad own his own business, and it always looked to me like a crappy deal. All that work, all that risk, all that sacrifice, and for what? What is the payoff?

There is a part of me that feels I’ve sold off my soul for the security of a biweekly paycheck. That if I was going to do something so foolish and reckless as start my own business, especially something as “impractical” as a tarot reading business, I should have done it when I was young and clueless enough to not know what a risk I was taking.

There is another part of me thinking, you know what? The world as we know it is falling apart around us. Look at the news. Look at the planet. If the United States fell apart in five years, how would you want to spend your last days? Too afraid to even try to do something you love? Too paralyzed by self-doubt to step onto even the tiniest ledge?

I did crazybrave things in my 20s and 30s, and it’s just occurring to me why.

I never thought I’d survive my 20s and 30s. I was certain I’d be dead before I hit 40.

Why worry about the future when you don’t believe there is a future?

And not worrying about the future allowed me to go places, do things, meet people I never imagined possible.

So is giving up the future the key to being fearless in the present? Is the present moment what we mean by “enough?”

I’ve put off this journal entry for days. And now it’s done. Now to move on to Entry Six.

It’s time to forget about tomorrow. It’s time to take action.

This is enough.

Zerner Farber Enchanted Tarot
With the Eight of Cups in this position, look inside and recognize the part of you that still nurses an old grudge from a past injury or trauma. For the most part, your forward-looking self has gotten up and moved along. You are getting on with your life. There may still a part of you, however, that holds out and resists the healing. Are you nursing old wounds from painful losses of faith and trust? If so, now may be a good time to scrutinize your current motives. See if you are still being influenced by the part of yourself that cuts short your enthusiastic, optimistic impulses. Do not deny this pessimistic tendency. Failing to recognize the truth only causes repression that flares up in another part of our psyche. Instead, seek to understand and accept the hesitation and the fear you may feel, and come to terms with them. Then you can put some old emotions in their rightful place–out of the way. –

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